blinkerbook

• Get car fixed: $400!?! Holy crap.
• Fill out Gage Application
• Write and mail thank you note for monday's interview
• Fill out SB library application
• Fill out LP library app
• Fill out Office Depot application
• Call ACS and try to figure out if they're legit.
  • if legit, ask for deferral on student loans
• LMH housekeeping app
  
• College custodian app

• Drive to SB and turn in app
• While in SB pick up and turn in cashier app
• Turn in Office Depot app
• Fill out Cottonwood app
  • turn in
• Fill out public school app

• Do Laundry
• Clean the Bathroom
• Apply for jobs
• Call Rachel

Post about the wedding/Vegas to come later this evening, but right now I need to get something off my chest. 

I had what would have been a humiliating experience at the doctor today, had it not been so infuriating.  Yesterday, I called the health center and made appointment to see Dr. B this morning.  Dr. B suspects that I have PCOS, and we needed to discuss the results of some tests I had done before Christmas.  In addition, he's been treating me for cystic acne which has flared up, probably because I was without medicine for almost two weeks.  So I made the appointment, confirming with the receptionist that it was for Dr. B at 8:45 Tuesday morning.  Well, this morning I arrive and am directed to see Dr. D.  I was a bit confused, because Dr. D is not Dr. B, and I am sure I confirmed the appointment with Dr. B.  However, I shrugged it off.  Maybe Dr. B had an emergency or something (the fact that I later saw him strolling the hall with a cup of coffee makes me think he did not).   At any rate, I go and do the blood pressure/temp/pulse/weight thing with the nurse.  As we go to do the weight, the nurse notes "okay, and I see on your chart we do blind weights, is that right?"  It is correct.  I don't look at my weight and they don't tell me.  Even though I'm doing well in recovery, I've had some form of disordered eating for half of my life (age 10 through 22=12 years.  I'm 24), and restricting and purging are old habits that the number on the scale seems to trigger.  She then directs me to the examination room. 

After Dr. D arrived in the examination room, we talked briefly about my acne, and he prescribed Doxycyclene. Okay.  He then said "I notice you have some tests here ordered by  Dr. N (my rheumatologist), have you discussed those with her?  What was her conclusion?"  I replied that I had talked them over with her, and she says that I have hypermobile joint disorder, which results in me putting too much strain on my joints during normal activity, causing pain.  Okay. 

Onto the infuriating part.  After seeing that my chart notes that I have an increased SED rate, which implies inflammation, he went into a speech about how I was overweight, needed to lose weight, that losing weight will improve my inflammation, I am at increased risk of an early death, oh and by the way, did he mention that I should lose some weight?  He also explained that I can do all this by switching to diet rich in whole grains, fruits, and veggies.   At that point he took a breather and I jumped in with "Okay, can I just say something?  I am recovering from an eating disorder so if we could stay away from all the talk about me losing weight, it would be super awesome."  At which point I was treated to a patronizing smile and "well, I just think you should hear it.  Let me get you that prescription for doxycyclene".  We never discussed my potential PCOS. 

I mean for crying out loud.  My chart says not to tell me my weight.  Wouldn't that also imply that going into a speech about what a Fatty McFatfat I am might not be good for my mental health?  Three years ago, that exact same speech would not have incited anger or indignation.  I would have listened to it, left the office holding back tears, and resolved to eat no more than 1200 calories a day, and if I went over by even 10 calories I would have induced vomiting.  God help anyone he treats who isn't as far along in recovery.  You know that SED rate?  Maybe it's related to the fact that I'm doing damage to my joints by performing everyday activities, like my fucking RHEUMATOLOGIST says and which you and I JUST TALKED ABOUT.  Oh, and the fiber, fruits and veggies?  I invite you to look in our kitchen.  We have oatmeal, raisin bran, cheerios, whole wheat french bread, whole wheat hamburger buns, and whole wheat tortillas.  We have frozen fruits and mixed veggies, bananas, tomatoes, and green onions.  We have Progresso Light soups, colby-jack cheese, soy milk, boneless skinless chicken breasts, and brown rice.  The only thing that isn't "healthy" is the massive tons of hot cocoa we got for Christmas, of which Q and I together have had exactly 3 packets in the last 3.5 weeks.  Guess what?  Still fat.  Got any other suggestions?  By the way, for anyone reading this who doesn't know me personally- I wear size 12-14 jeans.  I wore a 12-14 in 7th grade, just after attaining my adult height and discovering that I could vomit up a portion of my alloted 1000 calories/day on demand; I wore a size 12-14 in college when I "allowed" myself up to 1500 calories but then threw up half of it anyway; and I wear a size 12-14 now that I eat exactly what I want, when I want. Guess what?  I'm a fucking size 12-14.  Deal. 

Oh, and thanks Health Center- not only did you give me an insensitive doctor, I now have to make another appointment to discuss the test results.